When it came time to create our wedding ceremony, my husband and I holed up in a bed and breakfast and spent a day reading through various quotations, poems, and literary passages on love and marriage. We talked about what resonated with us, we laughed at the ones that we found totally ridiculous, and we figured out in a very real way what marriage meant to us.
This was an incredibly meaningful part of putting our ceremony together. Like many couples, we weren’t one another’s first love. Our past experiences—good and bad—had given us strong ideas about what we were looking for in a relationship. The readings we chose reflected those beliefs. And the act of selecting them solidified to us that our decision to marry was built on a clear and shared vision marriage.
Choosing Your Readings Helps Define Your Vision of Marriage
After over seven years as a wedding officiant, I have realized that people have some pretty different ideas about what it means to be married. Some believe whole-heartedly in soul-mates, twin flames, and destiny. Others have a more pragmatic view of their relationship; they feel they have chosen to be together and are actively shaping their shared life. Some feel marriage is just the icing on the cake of their already strong relationship. For others, it’s a significant first step on their life journey.
My point is the readings my husband & I chose were specific to us. Choosing those readings together not only made our ceremony deeply meaningful but were an important part of the process of getting married.
And your readings should be specific to you as a couple.
So, what exactly is a wedding reading?
Most wedding ceremonies involve a bit of talking about marriage. The goal is for both you and your guests to have a moment to think about the importance or the meaning of the step you are taking.
Your officiant should have a variety of readings for you to choose from ranging from practical advice, philosophical musings, or romantic poetry.
Some couples choose one significant, meaningful reading and move on to the vows. Others like to have a primary reading as well as a literary passage or poem or significant quotation. Still others choose a few short passages that they—or their officiant—weave together.
How to Choose A Reading
If you have known since age twelve that you want e.e. cummings’ poem “i carry your heart” in your ceremony, great! Done. Easy. If you went to a friend’s wedding and heard something that touched you deeply, yes, steal it! They’ll be flattered! If you and your significant other already have a meaningful poem or quotation that you share, then by all means use it. I’ve had quite a few couples that come to me already knowing something about what they want.
But most couples have no idea. And if you google “wedding readings,” you will find approximately ten thousand million possibilities.
That’s why I send a specially curated packet of readings to my couples. Not because those are the only readings they can choose, but because they are beautiful readings in a range of tones from pragmatic to romantic, from traditional to light-hearted, each with different perspectives on love and marriage.
Tips for Choosing Your Readings
- Make Time: It won’t be meaningful if you are rushed or stressed. Set aside a few hours to read through choices, talk about your favorites, and come a decision together.
- Be Patient: Assume you’ll find something you both like. If you fall in love with a reading but your partner hates it, don’t dig in. Keep looking till you find one that works for both of you. Trust that the right reading it out there. You need to agree on tone and content.
- Be Picky: Not with each other but with your officiant. Sometimes couples come to me a be hesitantly. They’ve found the perfect passage but, there’s one part they don’t like. They want me to reword it, cut something, change something. My answer is a resounding YES! A reading should truly reflect your values and beliefs about marriage. You aren’t being picky. You are being clear about what you want, not just in your ceremony, but in your marriage.
- Find Focus: Sometimes couples come back to me having selected four or five readings. They are all beautiful but say versions of the same thing. Generally, one or two readings are better than choosing too many. It’s ok to combine one or two readings. But sometimes trying to mash up five readings into one just results in a mess. That said, if you have three true favorites that each say something unique or different, ask your wedding officiant for ideas on how to use them in different parts of the ceremony or how to introduce them in a way that makes them shine.
Connecting the Readings to Your Life
It’s often helpful to tell your officiant why you chose a particular reading—especially if it’s a poem or literary passage. A poem or quotation needs an introduction to explain it or connect it to the couple in order to make it meaningful.
For example, one of my couples chose Taylor Mali’s “How Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog” as their secondary reading: I introduced it by explaining how their shared love of dogs was part of what brought them together as a couple. Their first date was to take their dogs on a walk on the beach, and the fact that their pups got along so well struck them as a good sign. They’ve since adopted a third fur baby to make their family complete.
Providing this explanation means I’m not just reading a cute poem, I’m reading something that is specifically meaningful to the couple.
Who Should Read It?
Ideally, you’ve chosen an officiant who is warm and expressive and will deliver the main reading. You may also have her read any secondary readings providing helpful introductions that make connections to the couple. I sometimes even work quotations or elements of a poem into the couples’ story!
However, if you have family members or friends you want to include by having them do a reading, consider these few things:
- Do they enjoy public speaking?
- Do they have a strong speaking voice?
- Are they likely to be overcome with tears?
- Are they likely to go off script?
If they enjoy speaking and don’t get nervous easily, then go for it! It can be wonderful to have people you love involved in the ceremony.
If you have a friend or family member read,
- Email or give them a copy in advance so they can practice.
- On the day of, provide them a nice copy of their reading, printed large enough to be read comfortably.
- Provide them with a mic and make sure they have a minute or two before the ceremony to speak into it and know how close they have to be to it in order to be heard. The DJ should help you with this.
Resources for Wedding Readings
If you are looking for some great readings for your wedding, here are few places you might go:
And, of course, here are a few of my own favorites!
Happy Reading! And if you are looking for an officiant to guide you on this path, get in touch!