Your wedding vows are the most important part of the day —the actual promises you are making to each other. And while we all think we know what wedding vows are, I find that my couples often have a lot of questions when it comes time to write their vows!
Are vows questions or statements? Both. Are vows the same as “I do’s”? Yes! Do we have to read our vows to each other? Not required! Can we do both? Absolutely! Can we do our vows repeating after the officiant? Yes!
Vows are the actual promises you are making each other, so the format is really up to you.
Question and Answer Format for Wedding Vows
Wedding Officiant: Do you choose this man/woman to be your partner in life, your friend and companion through the unknown of the future, to support him/her, to love him/her, and to be faithful to him for the rest of your lives? Response: I do!
Statement Format for Wedding Vows
Partner reads: I choose you to be my partner in life, my friend and companion through the unknown of the future. I will support you, love you, and be faithful to you for the rest of our lives . . . .
Can we do both? Yes!
Lots of couples want to say, “I do!” but also want to read their personally written vows. That’s totally ok!
Which is right for you?
It depends. If you love the idea of standing in front of your partner, looking into their eyes, and making your promises, then you should read your vows!
If you love the idea of saying “I do!” or if you think that standing in front of people and speaking will make you too nervous to enjoy your ceremony, you should consider going with questions.
Does it matter? Not really—the only thing that matters is that you and your partner take the time to choose the vows you want.
Whether you write your own, find them on the internet, or use the resources provided by your wedding officiant, it’s the deliberate selection of the promises that is most important.
The format —questions or statements—that’s more a matter of what makes you most comfortable.
Some sample wedding vows to get you inspired!
When my husband & I were writing our vows, we spent some time reading others couple’s vows and getting inspired. In fact, writing your vows can be a bit like sewing a patchwork quilt as you select beautiful lines from here and there!
Here’s an example of the same vows in two different formats.
First as a statement. Each partner reads the same statement to the other.
I take you to be my partner in life, my friend and companion through the unknown of the future. I will support you, love you, and be faithful to you for the rest of our lives. I promise to share my time and attention and to bring joy strength and imagination to our relationship. I will strive to build a home that is compassionate to all, filled with laughter, patience, communication, understanding, and love. I vow to work together to foster a relationship of equality, knowing that we will create a life together far better than either of us could imagine alone. I promise to comfort and strengthen you through life’s joys and sorrows, regardless of the obstacles we may face together for as long as we both shall live.
Now, the same vows as questions!
Partner1, do you take this man/woman to be your partner in life, your friend and companion through the unknown of the future, support him/her, love him/her, and be faithful to him for the rest of your lives? I do! (Then this is repeated for Partner 2!)
And I ask of you both, do you promise to share your time and attention and to bring joy, strength and imagination to your relationship? We do!
Do you promise to strive to build a home that is compassionate to all, filled with laughter, patience, communication, understanding, and love? We do!
Do you promise to work together to foster a relationship of equality, knowing that you will create a life together far better than either of you could imagine alone? We do!
Do you promise to comfort and strengthen each other through life’s joys and sorrows, regardless of the obstacles you may face together for as long as you both shall live? We do!
‘Repeat after me’ wedding vows!
You can also do your vows as “repeat after me” –although usually these are bit shorter. You should hold hands with your partner & look into their eyes. The officiant reads each line and Partner 1 repeats them. Then, the officiant reads them again and Partner 2 repeats them.
Officiant: Partner 1, please repeat after me:
Partner 2, I choose you to be my lawfully wedded wife/husband,
knowing in my heart
that you will be my constant friend,
my faithful partner in life,
and my one true love.
On this day, I give to you,
my sacred promise to stay by your side
as your faithful wife/husband/partner
in sickness and in health,
in prosperity and adversity.
I promise to love you and cherish you
to honor and respect you,
to provide for your needs as best I can,
to be open and honest in all things
to comfort you in times of distress,
to celebrate in times of joy
to grow with you in mind and spirit,
even as I encourage your growth,
as long as we both shall live.
Vows Based on Relationship Science
Writing vows can be a real challenge—after all, these are promises you want to keep forever. No pressure!
The conversation about what vows you want to make is far more important than who writes the vows. The vows should actually strengthen your relationship.
Here are 10 vows written by Samantha Joel, each one based on an aspect of relationship science. If you want to read about the science, you can read the complete article here.
I promise to respect, admire, and appreciate you for who you are, as well as for the person you wish to become.
I promise to support and protect your freedom; because although our lives are intertwined, your choices are still yours alone.
I promise to seek a deep understanding of your wishes, your desires, your fears and your dreams.
I promise to always strive to meet your needs; not out of obligation, but because it delights me to see you happy.
I promise to be there for you when you need me, whenever you need me.
I promise to nurture your goals and ambitions; to support you through misfortune and celebrate your triumphs.
I promise to keep our lives exciting, adventurous, and full of passion.
I promise to persevere when times get tough, knowing that any challenges we might face, we will conquer them together.
I promise to treat you with compassion over fairness, because we are a team, now and for always.
I promise to show you, every day, that I know exactly how lucky I am to have you in my life.
Elissa R Photography
Vows Focusing on Love and Purpose
I love these wedding vows because of their focus on the changing nature of relationships and life and love. I love the deliberate and thoughtful approach to marriage they offer. These could be read or done as “repeat after me.”
Dearest name of partner, I do now choose you and take you
to be my wife/husband/partner/mate
to witness and assist in my becoming,
to hold me, as your beloved, in your heart.
I give you my love, the steadfastness
of my purpose, my will, and my hope, and my highest
intention that always, in one another’s presence,
we may unflinchingly become who we are
and with unswerving commitment be willing
to do what we came here to do.
You are my lover, my teacher, my model,
my accomplice, and my true counterpart.
I will love you, hold you, and honor you,
respect you, encourage you, and cherish you,
in health and in sickness
through sorrow and success
for all the days of my life.
7 Traditional Vows from 7 Different Traditions
Love finds its expression in every culture & in every language. Find your inspiration in listening to vows couples have spoken to one another through the ages.
Adapted from a traditional Jewish vow
I promise to love, cherish, and protect you, whether in good fortune or in adversity.
Humanist Pledge
I give you my hand and heart as a sanctuary of warmth and peace. I promise above all else to live in truth with you and communicate fully and fearlessly.
Quaker Vow
I take this my friend to my husband/wife, promising through divine assistance to be unto him/her a loving and faithful wife/husband.”
Irish Wedding Vow
Oh, woman loved by me, mayest thou give me thy heart, thy soul, and thy body.
Celtic Traditional Vow
I shall be a shield for you back as you are for mine,
no shall a grievous word be spoken about us, for our marriage is sacred between us and no stranger shall hear my grievance.
Traditional Cherokee Prayer
May you each be like the air that inhabits the other.
Wedding Vows – Sweet, Silly, and Serious!
Serious to lighthearted vows that are bit off the beaten path. Inspired by Cathy Howe’s Wedding Vows & Traditions
I take you to be my life partner, to respect you and to love you, but also to grow with you so that we can live long and fulfilling lives together.
I want to grow old disgracefully with you!
If love can be sealed with a kiss, may there be kisses enough to make this marriage watertight.
I know that we won’t always agree, but I promise to respect your judgement as you have promised to respect mine.
I vow today to commit myself to helping us both to live complete and fulfilled lives.
To paraphrase Peter Pan, marriage has always seemed an awfully big adventure, yet I can think of no one better to share in the fairy tale.
May we always appreciate each other’s virtues and forgive each other’s vices. Let us promise today to help nurture the former and overcome the latter.
Ready to write your own vows? Read this helpful how-to!